gloomy times

well the past couple of days havent been so good for me. not only am i trying to handle the fact that my due date is coming up and i have no baby to take home after it but me and jason had a falling out over ttc. i thought i got what was a + opk a few days ago and of course wanted to make sure i didnt miss the boat but jason has been working 12 hour shifts and so friday night he was too tired. i got so upset and those tears i was desperately trying not to cry suddenly came flooding out.

i know jason doesnt want another baby as much as i do and i wish he could feel the pain i feel and see how important it is to me to be pregnant again. he doesn't feel it the way i do which i guess is natural since its not his body that has had to go through it but it would be nice if he could sympathise with me once in a while.

we are ok now and looks like i am definately ovulating as got a really dark opk today! and jason has no excuses now as he has 6 days off work.so fingers crossed this is our month and 2009 is a better year for us

feeling quite positive that this cycle i might actually get a bfp just hope i'm not setting myself up for a big fall. am due around the 3rd of jan but think will test on new years eve as be nice to see in the new year with a bfp and if bfn then i can allow myself a drink or 2.

been feeling quite sentimental recently thinking about the good old days when i was younger. been missing some of my friends and have found one of them on fb bit of a blast from the past. hes been in my thoughts alot. i met him when i was 16 at the place i worked and we grew very close and he was one of my bestest friends. i was gutted when he left to go to south africa and i really missed him. just hope he accepts my friend request as be nice to catch up with him.

on a positive note not long til christmas day. am getting so excited for the girls now can't wait to see their faces on christmas day when they see all the presents they have got. what makes me smile seeing their little faces light up and hear their laughter. so glad i have them to get me through all the heartache life has thrown at me this past year.

so thats it for now will write again soon. x