still no further!

well today we got results back from the hospital. my blood clotting ones were fine and jasons chromosomes were fine too. we are still waiting on my chromosome ones. doctor said they could take another 2 weeks or so and they will send me a letter out so probably be 3 weeks before i hear from them. doctor wasnt very helpful i asked what would happen next and she said she doesnt know what my consultant will be doing. yeah thanks for that sick of being palmed off by them all i want is to be able to move forward find out a careplan for when i next pg and have the reassurance i need that they will be looking after me especially more so since we have no answers as to why we have lost 3 beautiful angels.

on a positive note i got a positive opk yesterday so means i am ovulating finally. hoping its first month lucky for us would love to have an april baby even more so as i know jessica will be watching over us and making april a lucky month for us as well as a sad one. though if i am pg i would be due around her birthday so hopefully the midwifes would be sympathetic enough to induce me before then as i really dont want to give birth on jessicas birthday and take away her day.

so now begins the 2ww. hoping august is a lucky month for me as its my birthday month.my mum is taking me and the girls on a camping holiday as a birthday treat so be nice to be able to relax spend a bit of time with my mum and my daughters and get some fresh air.

decided that i shall be taking a break away from facebook and ivillage once i get back from camping well at least until sept has been and gone. probably still use the ttc boards and the llnd/rcm boards but that will be it.

feel so deflated at the minute i really dont know what to think about the results. its good they havent found anything yet but then we are no closer to getting reasons and there has to be an answer as to why we have lost 3 babies in a row there HAS to be right?! it can't just be one of those things maybe losing my first yes my second maybe was more bad luck but to lose jessica and so late on its not bad luck something must of gone wrong for me to lose a perfectly healthy baby.

just wish i could stop feeling like this. next month i would have been getting excited waiting for the birth my my 3rd much wanted daughter and i have nothing. just the hope that one day i will be a mother again to a healthy baby. i shouldnt have to be a mummy to 3 little angels they should be here with me. its so unfair.