some good news!

i really must remember to write in here more often but like i said in my previous post i try to stay away from the internet as much as possible these days though am going to be around more.

so our good news! we are offically ttc again! i knew jason was a bit wary but when af turned up and he saw how upset i was he agreed to try again. so hopefully this time round all will go well as i will be under consultant care and hopefully get treatment to ensure our next baby sticks. all i want is another healthy baby to complete our family and i really hope that dream does come true. so hopefully i'll be online more to update on here of how things are going.

so i'm currently on cd14 one week to go til i ovulate and just over a week til my next consultants appointment where hopefully i will get my results back from the blood clotting tests.

our wedding plans are coming on brilliantly and i am sooo looking forward to becoming mrs beard though its going to sound so strange having my last name as beard!

have found my dress and the girls flowergirls dresses and be booking the hotel on the 3rd then the registrars and the reception venue at the end of oct so lots of planning for me to do. its all exciting.

missing jessica so much though its getting so much harder as her due date creeps up and there being so many pregnancy announcements and i know theres even more to come :( i wish she had held on til she was 24 weeks maybe there could of been something that could of been done to save her. i just cant believe that she was perfect and yet we lost her it doesnt make sense. how can a healthy babys heart suddenly stop beating its not fair.

to jessica mummy loves you so much princess and i hope you know that we arent ttc to replace you you are irreplaceable and will always have a special place in mummys heart. mummy just wants to be able to smile again and have the same happiness back i had when pg with you. i'll never ever forget you and though mummy doesnt cry for you as much it doesnt meant to say i dont think about you because i do your always there in my mind mummy doesnt want to cry anymore or be sad especially because your sisters see the sadness and tears in my eyes and it makes them worry. i miss you and i love you so so very much. wish you were still in my tummy! x